3 Steps for finding positivity when it matters most

The past few years in my career have been a journey, to say the least.  There have been the high points where I have grown and expanded. And, with this growth there has also been the discomfort – reaching outside my comfort zone, exposing my weaknesses, discovering doubts I never knew I had.

As an over-thinker, I found that I can easily get stuck in the doubt, the self-judgment and the fear of failure.  I felt the power of negativity.

But I don’t have room for doubt. I am on a mission for more success in my career – to reach more women, to spread my message, to build a platform for consciousness, environmental sustainability, and women empowerment. And to create a lifestyle for my family where we more frequently travel, learn, and soak up this world while we are here.

So what’s a woman with a mission to do when the doubt appears?

1.Acknowledge the negativity bias: Understand that we were designed to doubt to protect ourselves from potential danger around us. The doubt and negativity we experience today are still here to keep us safe. However, unlike our ancestors, we are no longer faced with life-threatening situations on a daily basis. We now have the choice to acknowledge the negativity we are feeling and change focus. And we have the ability to train our brains to focus on the positive. We can let down our guard.

2. Have gratitude: When you let down your guard you create space for gratitude. Make an effort to focus on the positive until it becomes part of the flow for you. Every night, for 21 days, write down every positive thing from your day.  How about that moment when you locked eyes and smiles with your child, or when you arrived early to your appointment, you ate that banana instead of ice cream, or you ate the ice cream and didn’t feel guilty, you went for a walk at lunch, you went out of your way for someone else, you received help from an unlikely person. Find ALL those little and big moments that make you thankful.  Keep digging to find thanks for the unexpected. And create your own explosion of positivity in your day.

3. Envision Success: When you are in doubt go to your destination of success. Find a place to sit down, breathe deep, and envision you as the successful woman you desire to be.  Imagine how you feel and get present in this moment of success. Lift yourself out of the doubt by getting clear. You will then have more energy and clarity to take more intentional and positive action.

These three steps have helped me significantly overcome the doubt that kept me “safe.” And by bringing these three steps into my daily meditation, I visit the valleys less frequently, while hanging out on the peaks more often.

Our thoughts create our reality. And as women on a mission, our success is up to us. So let’s focus on the positive.

To Your Success,

Christy

Learn the rules, and then break them

My mother was a rule breaker, and she still is (hi mom…). She would take any opportunity to question a rule, and then break it if it didn’t work for her. From stepping over the imaginary line of no trespassing signs, to a few friendly-ish police run-ins, and to standing her ground in conversations and conflict, she is not afraid to stretch the limits, take risks, and question.

She is also one of the most free-spirited, strong-minded, and confident women I know.

She was a rule breaker. I was not. Or at least I didn’t appear to be.  You see, I took after my dad who was compliant (when people were looking). We didn’t want to be noticed so we stayed within the lines. And we appeared to follow the rules, but at the core I was my mother’s daughter, and my compliance was a façade that I unknowingly used to manipulate my life to make me feel safe.

However, little did I know, the control I was attempting to gain by complying was actually making me feel less safe and less confident.  By staying so far within the lines, I created the fear that I was trying to avoid.

But I’ve done my work over the past decade, peeling off the perceived safety net I created. And through this work I started to return to my natural state – free-spirited, strong-minded, and confident. And I learned to find comfort in the discomfort.

So I started to wonder, is this where we all begin? Are we all free and confident until we let fear by fear define our beliefs, our habits, and our identities over time?

This question is important, because I see so many women, including myself, define their identities by the rules they abide.  And often times, these rules are not even True, but are instead assumptions and beliefs that we turn into rules for our own comfort.  When we let fear control us we blur the lines between rules, beliefs, expectations, and doubt, and we rely on our assumptions to guide us.  And this leads to a life of fear-based compliance where freedom is not an option. And after watching my mother live a life of freedom for the past 38 years, I desire to also be free, and  I know I’m not alone.

Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist. – Pablo Picasso 

So how do you return to your natural state? How do you tap into your free-spirited, strong-minded, and confident self? How do you learn the actual rules and then have the courage to break them when desired?

  1. Recognize that you have a choice. It is your choice to live life-based on your circumstances (or others’ circumstances) or to break the mold and live life-based on your own terms.  You have the choice to rise above fear, to rise above blame, and even logic. You have the choice.
  2. Know your standards. You are different than the person next to you. They may disagree with you, they may judge you, and they may also admire you. This is none of your business. Understand what is important to you. What are your top 10 non-negotiables for how you want to live your life? Know them and then unapologetically live them, while being kind.
  3. What’s your destination?  What are your vision and goals for your career and life? What do you desire to manifest? What is your definition of success? When you are intimate with exactly what you want out of your life you will know when to stand in your power, be more flexible, let go, and ask more questions.

When you understand that you have a choice, you know your standards, and you feel your destination, you will see the limiting beliefs and rules you worship for what they truly are. And you will begin to question, stretch, and take risks that take you out of ordinary, out of the stress, and out of fear, and into your zone of genius. Once you know the rules, you will have the choice to break them. This space, right here, is freedom.

Mom, 38 years later, lesson learned.  Be free, be kind. 

To your success,

Christy Venza

 

 

From Passive to Powerful Leader in 3 Steps

Do you ever wonder how one leader makes a decision fast and with ease, while another hesitates and stresses? Or how one leader appears to confidently make hard decisions in the moment, while the other unwillingly makes a decision or let’s the circumstance decide for them?

So what separates the powerful decision maker from the passive one?

What I’ve learned is that, well, there are a lot of components that come into play. But, what they all trickle down to is this one question: What do you believe is going to happen as a result of your decision?  It comes down to your perception of the outcome.

If you have a clear picture of success, you will more likely trust your judgment and move on. However, if you have a clear picture of what could possibly go wrong,  you begin to question and stay attached to the situation. You are unable to let go and move forward. You become invested in its failure.

Let’s look at this a bit more closely. A leader who makes decisions with ease is typically certain of their decision. They feel confident in their judgement.  They have an understanding of what they want and what it will take to get it. And they are willing to take risks and course correct until they arrive. 

So they are connected to their vision, they are certain of the outcome, yet they also have the ability to embrace the potential obstacles and distractions that may appear along the way.  They don’t let doubt cloud the outcome.  

And as a result, they are engaged, they understand what needs to be done, they are aware of their priorities, they let their intuition guide them, and they are able to stay above the fear and doubt when they surface. In this space they move from being a passive participant to more assertive in their interactions with others. There is alignment between their inner drive and outer presence.

On the other hand, when you experience stress when making decisions you may feel misaligned with your values (something doesn’t feel right), you may focus on what can go wrong rather than what can go right, and/or you may be connected to a vision that isn’t your own, but instead is what you think it “should” be.

And as a result, you lack clarity on your priorities and let others’ expectations, rules, and opinions guide your decision making. This misalignment leads to passive communication; you rarely share your voice, you are reactive, you appear compliant, but are internally defiant, and you mold your answers and comments to the expectations of others.

So how do you move from passive to powerful as a leader?

1. Reconnect with your vision and be honest with your desires. Ask yourself, where do you want to be in one year, in five years, and when you have reached your destinatino? Get clear on what this looks like and why this success is important to you.

2. Make decisions and take actions aligned with your standards. What is important to you in your life? What are your non-negotiables? And what standards will drive you? Get clear on what’s important so you can set your boundaries.

3. Be assertive in your conversations to ensure you get your point across, listen, course correct, and continue moving forward.

Stay committed to these three steps on a daily basis so you can make fast decisions at the moment with ease, create the success you desire, and unapologetically stand in your power.